summer weather’s finally creeping up, balmy air sticking to the skin on morning walks down by the river,
and sunshine abound, driving the pepperoncinis, tomatoes, succulents all out on the balcony to stretch toward the sky.
it feels like almost cinematic, each minute captured in slow-motion, humming in the kitchen, singing in the shower.
each notion about how the world works, hard-fought/deeply ingrained, refuted by a lesson.
29 springs before this that slowly turned into summer then autumn,
29 winters waiting for the cycle to repeat, les saisons.
It’s all a matter of perception, It’s all a feat of confidence,
It’s all a game, it could all be gone in an instant, so take a second to appreciate it.
after years spent roaming gardens, galleries, dive bars and billards halls,
a thousand cigarettes and secrets spilled in alleyways between us,
telling me exactly how much the world owes you,
recounting everything you’ve done to deserve what you have,
confessing your darkest sins,
proclaiming your innocence,
raving about your talents, hopes, dreams – disappointments.
I was your shoulder,
your brother, your blackhole.
You were my Brutus.
This isn’t the first time and it wouldn’t have been the last,
This isn’t the first time and what a drain to have to put your pieces back together again,
This isn’t the first time, but the difference is,
I’m wrapped in soul-encompassing love now,
so for all I care, you and the rest of your world can go straight to hell.
Wide open spaces, a thing I’d never known before,
Held court in cafés and nightclubs.
Took lovers in backseats in darkened alleyways,
And in tiny rooms, crammed full of books and secrets, and one too many half-smoked packs of cigarettes.
Now I have half the second floor to rattle around in and my soul love to keep warm at night,
Still I crave more wide open spaces.
Endless wilderness and deserts stretching far beyond the eye can see,
And the sea rushing in to mingle with sand beneath our feet.
I’ve swallowed ashes and spit blood for this,
(I let their words define me, let
fear guide each step, let the past haunt and the future consume my every thought),
I’ve died and been reborn for this.
Wide open spaces,
To grow up and grow old with you in.
I recently had the honor of appearing as a guest on not one, but two more LGBT podcasts: Strange Fruit (an NPR show brought to you by WFPL) and The Gay Files.
I am beyond thrilled to have been able to unpack serious topics like bi-erasure, racial prejudice in the queer community, and the fetishization of black bodies with Jaison Gardner and Dr. Kaila Story on Strange Fruit.
It was also a delight to discuss the peculiar life of Bavaria’s most famed (and arguably gay) royal, King Ludwig II, with Kiwis turned Londoners, David Blanco and Andrew Howatson of the Gay Files.
Click the cover photos below for the each show’s iTunes catalog.
Episode – ‘Pipeline’ Actors On Bringing Black Lives To The Stage
Episode – Case 7: King Ludwig
Earned this, countless bruises inside and outside to show for it.
Happiness wrapped in love, grounded in truth, stitched to the essence of your very being.
Fear is a stranger and trust sleeps at your side.
Tea cools on the balcony as soft dreams await, accept it –
Sparkling floors and no ceilings, quiet drives through the countryside on mini-vacations,
Singing and dancing after too much mezcal,
Kissing like teenagers
The smoky skies and endless nights of the city banished to a reliquary of
youthful indescretions, painful lessons, and fond memories to look back on.
Venus and Cupid – Circle of Jacopo Sansovino (Courtesy of The Getty Center)
endless adoration, say my name tongue-filled with passion
thirst for exploration, wander my mind, your untamed woodland.
in a sea of raging devotion and cry in ire as I drift away.
on display, on my terms only.
Goddess in a temple, come forth and worship me.
It’s not enough
the last bit of brandy,
the last kiss, the last touch,
the last sunset watched.
memories wrapped in silk and naïevité forever.
a field of “I’d nevers,”
Blood, sweat, the dreams you covet
Give it all, so we can burn it and start again.
A couple of weeks back, I had the pleasure of appearing on History is Gay, a podcast that examines the lives and personal identities of queer folks through the ages.
With her regular co-host Gretchen absent, Leigh and I discussed war poet, Siegfried Sassoon. Listen in for an episode rife with tragedy, bi-erasure, and as many quips as we could fit it! (Available on iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts.)